6 Ways to Communicate and Connect with Your Teen Through Validation
Why Validation Matters in the Parent-Teen Relationship
Talking to teenagers isn’t always easy. Parents often find themselves met with eye rolls, silence, or frustration when trying to connect. Many teens feel misunderstood or dismissed, which can create distance in the parent-teen relationship. However, one powerful communication tool—validation—can help bridge the gap.
Validation is the practice of recognizing and affirming your teen’s emotions and experiences, even if you don’t necessarily agree with them. Research from the Gottman Institute highlights that when teens feel heard and understood, they are more likely to trust and engage with their parents. Conversely, repeated invalidation can cause emotional withdrawal and self-doubt (Child Mind Institute). Invalidation also reduces the likelihood that your teen will consider coming to you for help and support.
By incorporating validation into your interactions, you create an environment where your teen feels emotionally safe and willing to share. Below are six levels of validation, adapted from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), that can transform the way you communicate with your teen.
1. Pay Attention: Be Fully Present
Before you can validate your teen’s emotions, you need to be fully present in the conversation. It’s easy to become distracted by responsibilities, but active listening is essential. When your teen speaks, make eye contact, set aside your phone, and truly focus on what they are saying. This is a fundamental aspect of healthy teen-parent relationships and is key to parent-teen communication.
Practical Tips:
Make dedicated time to talk—avoid multitasking.
Use open body language to show you’re engaged.
Nod or give verbal affirmations like "I see," "That makes sense."
Example: If your teen complains about school stress, resist the urge to immediately offer solutions. Instead, listen attentively and respond with open-ended questions and curiosity, “That sounds really overwhelming. Want to tell me more about what’s making it so stressful?”
Why it matters: Research shows that undivided attention makes teens feel valued, which strengthens parent-teen relationships (Clearfork Academy).
2. Reflect Back: Show You Understand
Repeating or summarizing what your teen says helps them feel heard. This technique, called "mirroring," reassures them that their emotions are recognized.
Practical Tips:
Use their own words when reflecting back.
Keep your tone neutral—avoid sarcasm.
Allow your teen to correct you if needed.
Example: Teen: “I can’t stand my teacher. She’s so unfair.”
Parent: “It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated because you don’t think your teacher is treating you fairly.”
Even if you don’t agree with your teen’s perspective, reflecting back validates their experience.
Why it matters: Studies indicate that mirroring reduces conflict and fosters more open communication (Aspire Counseling).
3. Read Between the Lines: Recognize Unspoken Emotions
Many parents ask, "Why won’t my teen talk to me?" The truth is, teens don’t always say exactly what they mean. Sometimes their behavior or tone reveals emotions they struggle to express. Try to tune in to their unspoken feelings and make an educated guess about what they might be experiencing.
Practical Tips:
Watch for nonverbal cues like facial expressions or body language.
Acknowledge possible emotions without assuming you’re 100% correct.
Ask open-ended questions like, “Are you feeling hurt about what happened?”
Example: If your teen seems withdrawn after a fight with a friend, you might say, “I wonder if you’re feeling hurt about what happened?” Even if you’re wrong, this effort shows you care and encourages them to clarify.
Why it matters: Accurately identifying emotions helps teens feel emotionally validated and more comfortable discussing their struggles (L.A. Psychotherapy Group).
4. Validate Their Feelings Without Judgment
It’s common for parents to downplay their teen’s emotions, but phrases like “That’s not a big deal” or “You’ll get over it” can feel dismissive. Instead, acknowledge that their emotions are real and understandable. How to validate your teenager’s feelings is an essential skill for strengthening your relationship.
Practical Tips:
Replace "It’s not a big deal" with "I see why this is upsetting for you."
Validate their emotions even if their reaction seems exaggerated.
Focus on how they feel rather than the facts of the situation itself.
Example: Instead of saying, “There’s no reason to be upset about this,” try, “I can see why this is upsetting for you. It makes sense that you’re feeling this way.”
Why it matters: Research suggests that invalidation can contribute to long-term self-doubt, while emotional validation helps teens develop resilience (Verywell Mind).
5. Normalize Their Emotions: Help Them Feel Less Alone
Many teens struggle with feeling isolated in their struggles and like no one could ever understand what they’re going through. Normalizing their experiences reassures them that their emotions are part of the human experience.
Practical Tips:
Share your own relatable experiences when appropriate.
Remind them that others go through similar struggles.
Avoid minimizing their emotions with “It happens to everyone.”
Example: If your teen is heartbroken after a breakup, instead of saying, “You’ll find someone else,” try, “Breakups are really painful. It’s normal to feel heartbroken, and I’m here for you.”
Why it matters: Studies show that normalizing emotions reduces feelings of shame and helps teens process their experiences in a healthier way (Talkspace).
Final Thoughts: Strengthen Your Parent-Teen Communication
Practicing validation doesn’t mean you agree with everything your teen says or does—it means you acknowledge their emotions as real and valid.
If you’re struggling with how to connect with your teen, consider reaching out for professional guidance. Therapists specializing in teen mental health can help bridge communication gaps and foster stronger family relationships. Seeking help isn’t a sign of failure—it’s a step toward deeper understanding and connection.
Need support in navigating parent-teen relationships? Reach out today to get started with a licensed therapist and take the first step toward a healthier, more connected relationship with your teen.
